I have always wondered why we are not taught how to listen; it’s assumed that we will naturally know how to do it. Spoken words, writing and reading get so much attention. Yet listening (active listening) is left behind. Perhaps it’s because we are led to believe that it is not as important as talking. Self-expression and the ability to speak eloquently are firmly set on a communication pedestal. As a result, listening is understated, even ignored. Maybe it is given a polite hello, like an awkward aunt at a family gathering.
I know it’s a little passive and not as flashy as talking, but listening is powerful. It is a superpower, in my view. You get to know things, and you get to know people and their stories. You connect by simply being there with your mind and mouth closed. Well, maybe it is not that simple, but more about that later.
Do you remember when you were last truly listened to? No judgment, no interruptions, no opinions. Just you getting “it” off your chest. That’s all that we need sometimes. To have the space to air our thoughts out. We often find the shortest path to answers we are searching for when we don’t have to step over well-meant “If I was in your shoes” or “Believe me, and I know how you feel”.
So, what is stopping us from listening deeply? How can we improve, and what are the benefits?
Humans are multi-layered beings (as you know) navigating complex rules of society. Sometimes, our inner chatter or busy mind stops us from being fully present. Or we might not be in the right place physically or emotionally. Or maybe we need to be the hero with all the correct answers for once.
It takes time to master this skill. You must work that “listening muscle” as often as possible. And most importantly, don’t give up. You will get there.
It’s good to review a short mental checklist before committing to listening. For example, can we hear them, see them (body language), focus, and keep our agendas/opinions locked away? Are you there to listen or to give answers? Is it the right time and place? If it’s an emergency and a risk is involved, we might want to skip the listening part.
If we can’t meet these essential criteria, it might be best to be honest. I want to give you my full attention, but it is not possible right now because of XYZ. Can we meet in the meeting room in 10 minutes?
To listen deeply, we need to clear and open our minds. So, monitor the mood and emotions of those you are listening to. This will help you tune in and listen beyond their emotional state.
Listen for subtle changes in tone and pace. Again, please pay attention to what and how it is said. Emphasis on certain words may suggest something significant. Have you noticed how your breading changes when discussing something still raw? Look out for that.
Always check if your understanding is correct, and don’t forget the phenomenal power of empathy. We all have our stories; we are not our behaviours and bad choices. We want to belong and be heard, which also applies to the workplace.
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